Isn’t this weather terrible? We lost a slate off the roof, in that wind last night and now the drains are blocked now, with all the leaves. Oh, I hate Autumn, don’t you? And then there’s Christmas - only six weeks away but the cards have been in the shops since August Bank Holiday and you have to queue for everything….!
I feel better for that little outburst– and I’m not alone. A good moan is one of the defining characteristics of the British, according to new research released by the global research company OnePoll.
We're also obsessed with class, queueing and we're terrible dancers. But mostly, we're moaners.
So when does the moan swingometer tip from the occasional grizzle to the “she never stops moaning” danger area? A good test is that, unless you’re talking to a doctor, the answer to “How are you?” should always be “Fine.” Anyone close to you knows exactly how you are - and the rest of us aren’t remotely interested.
Knowing that, I thought I was a moanachondriac – obsessed with the fear that, when someone asks ‘How are you?’, I might actually tell them. But I realise it's too late.
Evenings with friends that were once punctuated by the pop of corks and the jangle of costume jewellery, are now defined by the rattle of a handbag full of vitamins and supplements and the cry of “Still or sparkling?”. “Has yours gone any higher?” is no longer a discussion about soufflés or overdrafts. It’s about blood pressure. “Do you grunt when you sit down?”, we ask each other. “No, but I have to push my hands down on my knees to get up from a crouching position.” “You can CROUCH..?!”
But our biggest moan is about the state of our teeth - or rather, gums. "My gums used to be straight. Now they’re more like the Alps. Do you think Joanna Lumley has got false gums?"
We may try not to, but we moan about everything - health, house prices but mostly, husbands. “One of the many annoying things about Gerald,” says Kate, “ is that he drops off to sleep after the lunchtime news. He claims 'Winston Churchill always took a power nap’. I say 'Yes, well, he had power. He was running the country. All you’ve got to do is take the bins out.'”
Perfect. End a good moan with a good laugh.
But, hold on... there’s nothing funny about what’s going on in the world today, is there? My savings have plummeted, since the interest rate cut. And you try to get a plumber out on a Saturday night….
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